Those of you that know me well, must have realized by now that I’m pretty much paranoid. Therefore, it can’t be a surprise that I’ve dedicated my free time this summer to developing zombie survival plans. Now these zombie plans will not be amateur, I’ve been thinking about them for years, researched, and of course my brother has helped me (his plans are a bit different from mine but we have discussed the topic for endless hours).
How things start is a mystery. The outbreak could happen in the middle of the day, at night, first thing in the morning… this is why you should always be prepared. If indeed, my family (Mom, Dad, Joe, Mitzie) have learned about the zombie outbreak via the news things will be easier. But if worse comes to worse, and we find out because we’re attacked leaving the house or even just being in the house… we’ll still be prepared.
So, without further ado, this is what one should do if they are in my house during the zombie apocalypse:
So, first things first, kill any zombie(s) inside the house. Hopefully, there aren’t any… but I guess you’ve just gotta do what you’ve gotta do. We all know that the only way to effectively kill a Zombie… again, is to destroy its brain. I won’t go into gory detail but you should grab any sharp or heavy object near you and start whacking. Whack away for your life. Seriously. I don’t care if it hurts you, don’t stop until there’s no chance that Zombie(s) is getting up again!
Then as soon as the zombie is taken care of, lock down the house. Luckily, our house has rolladens, those nifty metal german blinds that you can pull down with a little lever/rope and they cover all of the windows from the outside, blocking out all sunlight. This way, we can’t see the zombies and the zombies can’t see us. It also prevents the zombies from getting through the glass windows.
Barricading the doors is also a must. My house has four doors, one in the basement, one front door, and two side doors. In the basement, we’d use the treadmill and all of the other exercise equipment to block it. The side doors have rolladens, but we could use the kitchen table and couches to block those. The front door is the most important. We would use everything we possibly could. Bench in the hallway, television stands, wardrobes, etc.
Because we can’t have guns in Germany, we would need to find any item that could be used as a weapon. Tools, knives, heavy pottery, kitchen appliances, bottles. Rationing the food is also extremely important. However, we would not be staying in the house forever, just waiting until the zombies move elsewhere.
Ladenburg is a fairly small town and my house is located near the farm part of it, the center of the town is in the opposite direction. The zombies probably wouldn’t stay in our area very long, they would all try to migrate to where a lot of people are located. Who knows, they could even make their way to Mannheim.
We would call the military installations in Germany hoping for survivors, after all, the bases are gated and they have guns, so maybe those people have a better chance at living. Maybe they would be able to make a rescue mission and come save us. But if this fails, after probably about a week and a half, I’d assume most of the zombies from our part of Ladenburg would be gone. We would be able to make a quick run for one of the cars and take off down the deserted farm roads behind our house.
Then, we would have no choice but to drive to the black forest. Stopping only at gas stations, and all of us getting out and fighting any zombies in our way to fill up with the gas. The black forest isn’t that far away and areas are pretty deserted. We would just have to make a new life up there by taking over one of those houses at the top of a mountain in the forest, away from all civilization. We could live off of the land, water from fresh streams, rain. My dad has also been through ranger school & special forces training, so I’m sure he’d know how to live off of the land like that. If not, we’d figure it out. Anything to live!
I assume that after a few years, the zombies would decompose and be unable to attack. Anyone left would probably come out and the world would try to rebuild with the few survivors.
Disclaimer: Please do not blame me if my zombie plans don’t work for your house! You never know, zombies are unpredictable. My plan could very well be a complete fail but it’s better to try than go down without a fight.
Stay tuned for pt 2!
Btw, this makes me giggle!