Zombie Plans pt 1

Those of you that know me well, must have realized by now that I’m pretty much paranoid. Therefore, it can’t be a surprise that I’ve dedicated my free time this summer to developing zombie survival plans. Now these zombie plans will not be amateur, I’ve been thinking about them for years, researched, and of course my brother has helped me (his plans are a bit different from mine but we have discussed the topic for endless hours).

How things start is a mystery. The outbreak could happen in the middle of the day, at night, first thing in the morning… this is why you should always be prepared. If indeed, my family (Mom, Dad, Joe, Mitzie) have learned about the zombie outbreak via the news things will be easier. But if worse comes to worse, and we find out because we’re attacked leaving the house or even just being in the house… we’ll still be prepared.

So, without further ado, this is what one should do if they are in my house during the zombie apocalypse:

So, first things first, kill any zombie(s) inside the house. Hopefully, there aren’t any… but I guess you’ve just gotta do what you’ve gotta do. We all know that the only way to effectively kill a Zombie… again, is to destroy its brain. I won’t go into gory detail but you should grab any sharp or heavy object near you and start whacking. Whack away for your life. Seriously. I don’t care if it hurts you, don’t stop until there’s no chance that Zombie(s) is getting up again!

Then as soon as the zombie is taken care of, lock down the house. Luckily, our house has rolladens, those nifty metal german blinds that you can pull down with a little lever/rope and they cover all of the windows from the outside, blocking out all sunlight. This way, we can’t see the zombies and the zombies can’t see us. It also prevents the zombies from getting through the glass windows.

Barricading the doors is also a must. My house has four doors, one in the basement, one front door, and two side doors. In the basement, we’d use the treadmill and all of the other exercise equipment to block it. The side doors have rolladens, but we could use the kitchen table and couches to block those. The front door is the most important. We would use everything we possibly could. Bench in the hallway, television stands, wardrobes, etc.

Because we can’t have guns in Germany, we would need to find any item that could be used as a weapon. Tools, knives, heavy pottery, kitchen appliances, bottles. Rationing the food is also extremely important. However, we would not be staying in the house forever, just waiting until the zombies move elsewhere.

Ladenburg is a fairly small town and my house is located near the farm part of it, the center of the town is in the opposite direction. The zombies probably wouldn’t stay in our area very long, they would all try to migrate to where a lot of people are located. Who knows, they could even make their way to Mannheim.

We would call the military installations in Germany hoping for survivors, after all, the bases are gated and they have guns, so maybe those people have a better chance at living. Maybe they would be able to make a rescue mission and come save us. But if this fails, after probably about a week and a half, I’d assume most of the zombies from our part of Ladenburg would be gone. We would be able to make a quick run for one of the cars and take off down the deserted farm roads behind our house.

Then, we would have no choice but to drive to the black forest. Stopping only at gas stations, and all of us getting out and fighting any zombies in our way to fill up with the gas. The black forest isn’t that far away and areas are pretty deserted. We would just have to make a new life up there by taking over one of those houses at the top of a mountain in the forest, away from all civilization. We could live off of the land, water from fresh streams, rain. My dad has also been through ranger school & special forces training, so I’m sure he’d know how to live off of the land like that. If not, we’d figure it out. Anything to live!

I assume that after a few years, the zombies would decompose and be unable to attack. Anyone left would probably come out and the world would try to rebuild with the few survivors.


Disclaimer: Please do not blame me if my zombie plans don’t work for your house! You never know, zombies are unpredictable. My plan could very well be a complete fail but it’s better to try than go down without a fight.

Stay tuned for pt 2!

Btw, this makes me giggle!


About mmcleven

I'm Margaret Clevenger, a current student at Syracuse University.
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21 Responses to Zombie Plans pt 1

  1. Emily Deloria says:

    Lollllz Margaret, you’re too funny!

  2. Raul says:

    Pshht! You are going to hate me Margy, but I just couldnt avoid finding so many flaws on your plan :k ( This is obviously biased because I have 1 specific kind of zombies in mind… viral, highly infectious and not easily-decomposable )

    Like… the zombies Im thinking of will seriously cause a freaking apocalipse, so just runing and hiding on a forest is not enough, they will eventually get there and you will eventualy lose your resources and have to fight off those zombies and run away to a better place D:

    …But your plan is a good start.

    • mmcleven says:

      Raul you obviously haven’t been to the Black forest! 😛

      • Raul says:

        And you obviously havent read “World War Z” by Max Brooks ( Or something like that, I dont remember )

        You are never 100% safe. Not eve in an isolated island :k

        You should read its, Its good ( Kind of REALLY graphic at some parts… but meh, every zombie story has to be graphic )

      • mmcleven says:

        Haha. Raul. This is only part one. Only one of my options. There will be more to come.

  3. Laura says:

    LOL Margy, this is a good plan, but I too have found many flaws in your plan. Reminds me of I am Legion haha!

  4. Raul says:

    I forgive you, then :k

  5. Laura says:

    I meant!
    Old man made me fail 😡

    • Raul says:

      And yeah, I meant to put “here” and it doesnt let me reply to your other comment…

      And we are totaly spaming Margy´s blog xD

      • Laura says:

        Because this website doesn’t like failures! ;P
        We totally are LOL
        And you meant “totally” xD

  6. mmcleven says:

    Psh, you two are ruining my blog!
    It’s all just for fun! 😛

    Plus, I can’t be too intense or graphic or anything cuz like my mom reads this & she’s squeamish.

    I just touched on the basics in this one.

    • Laura says:

      Margy says we’re ruining her blog 😥
      But what happens when a real zombie attack happens? 😛
      Not fun anymore bahaha!
      And ohh I see. Understandable.

      • Raul says:

        I would probably not survive one because the single fact that zombies actually exist would be enough to give me a heart attack :k

  7. Laura says:

    But zombies are humans or they use to be. Haha but you could survive a heart attack!

    • Raul says:

      Oh, believe me. I doubt I would want to keep living in a world were most of the people I know are death, zombies or missing. All comunication is cut = Who know what happened to all my internet friends from the US and Canada and Europe and stuff like that… But meh, Im so glad I doubt it will ever happen :k

  8. Laura says:

    Sorry, I’m a perfectionist. I could rewrite your whole post there, but I can’t be bothered. See there now! You doubting it would ever happen means you are totally unprepared and will be caught off-guard and die a miserable death. You will be having a heart attack and pass out while a zombie is eating your brains! Don’t worry though, won’t hurt because you’re unconscious 😛 And you wouldn’t know if communication is cut off. We could try the radio LOL

    • Raul says:

      You remind me so much of Andres. Evil, “instulting” and yelling to each other all the time, perfectionist when it comes to grammar and spelling, correcting everything I say xDDD

      Naww, Im prepared. I actually read a “Survival Zombie” book thingy and read another book from the same autor… Its going to be really hard, though.

      • Laura says:

        Yay! My future boss, Andres, & I are going to get along so well with each other 😀
        We would be yelling & making fun of you all the time because you would always come in our little cafe 24/7 because we offer free Wi-Fi! Author! It’s author! LOL! And oh, I don’t think you would make it far if you had a heart attack on hearing that a zombie outbreak has arise =/

  9. missprint says:

    Genius. This reminds me of XKCD which always has tons of comic strips about fighting raptors from Jurassic Park. Now I feel prepared for all contingencies!


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